Really cute drawing of us although it's old and we don't really look too much like that but you know, yeah we do, so it's good 'nuf, which is our house philiosophy.

Having a Good Day

Chapter 4

Can I say “I’m a friend of Vladimir?”

One of the more interesting things about advanced physics is the fact that certain particals that are interrelated and if you change the rotation of one of the particles the direction of the other changes at the same moment regardless of the distance between the two particles. It does a job on the speed of light being the fasted possible speed factor. So I collected my particles together into a mass of interconnected smoke. Soon I was conjuring back into myself, complete with my aforementioned tusks. It must be something to do with the pig stem cells that I had partaken of. I may now think somewhat like a human pig. Just leave it at having a swine time.

It is now easy for me to shape shift, only I noticed I no longer have a shadow. Not a big deal, but I do have a desire for fresh human blood. My tusks now are hollow and work well for sucking the blood out of people’s jugular veins. So I left a few Romans in the dust, after all Romans are not allowed in Carthage; we all remember what they did to Hannibal! That and sunlight seems to hurt.

The Romans came to my brother’s house, just down the road from me, asking if he had any idea what had happened to the other Romans. He laughed at them and said “Are you now accusing us of having Vampires in Carthage? We are unjustly accused of a lot of stuff but that is ridiculous!” I was able to drain out a couple of more Romans before the swat teams started showing up. I then changed myself back into something somewhat more human. Though it was fun flying around as a bat. I miss the estatic feel of sucking warm blood. More later.

Maybe I can go out and get just one more Roman. Is there a twelve step plan for blood suckers? Can I say “I’m a friend of Vladimir?” Naw, I’ll just be careful about who and where I attack. I should go to Farmington to the jail and get that damn jerk that hurt a neighborhood child!

I’m back in my cave; the CDC is investigating my trailer again. I don’t know why they think everything weird is my doing. Everyone is entitled to an occasional error. Which reminds me I found a missing note pad. It was the one that had the formula for curing MS. Oh well, I don’t need it anymore. The curing virus I created has by now cured everyone that had MS. See I do something right once in a while.

I think I will be Big Foot for a while. The neighborhood needs some good wholesome excitement for a change. Did you know that Big Foot has tusks? Watch the tabloids - my brother while hiking in the woods got some pretty good pictures, with my cell phone he just happened to be using!

Trouble again! Some jerk from the University of Maine caught me in a net. Now, this can be a new whole level of new fun. First things first; I will talk with him about illegal arrest! That should make his day. He will be famous, especially when after he has scientifically documented my existence I suddenly disappear. I’ll wait till just before he has to go to court for my multimillion buck law suite. The Big Foot will lose by default and relieve the professors’ mind. This is a new level of fun. Did I tell you? The DNA test for Big Foot is part human and part pig, not a mule but fully fertile. That will occupy their minds for a time.

I just found a letter in the mail from the CDC; they had found my MS cure note pad while searching my trailer the last time. They had rewritten everything they found on my note pads in proper scientist-talk and sent it for publication in the New England Journal of Medicine. I’m now famous for being a derelict bioengineer. The head hunters are already knocking at my door, at least till Judge gets them. Judge is a good BIG FLUFFY DOG. (Did I tell you? I tripled Judge’s size. He now weighs something between three hundred and four hundred pounds!) The looks on their fancies is priceless when they hear Big Foot instruct Judge to save me a piece of them for supper. I don’t need any more money. A few days ago I bought a bunch of Bill Gates original release of stock.

Which brings me to - did I tell you, I have figured out how to do time travel? I’ll save that for later. I just had a meeting with a reporter. I told CNN I would only talk with the Skud Stud. Just this one reporter; can’t remember his name. He is the man that was talking on TV during the first Iraq war during a missile alert and he was talking when camera went off the air. The whole US was instantly worried about this one reporter. He had since had some troubles with the networks and has had difficulties being accepted for the great reporter he is. CNN sent him over, Big Foot showed up to out-stare his body guards. They were a mite worried. Especially when Judge sat beside him snarling. They got some good pictures of that too. No one noticed that I was never around at the same time as Big Foot. Another of my games. I did tell them that he is a friend of mine. Did I tell you, Carthage Basin and Saddle Back Mountain in Carthage including all the way to Podunk pond is now a Federal Big Foot reservation? I now own my own country! I wonder if I can find a woman that would like to be a female Big Foot. We could start a whole new race.

Time for bed, I have had a busy day. The CDC is insisting that I get a job fixing things; which no one else can figure out. I told them I’m not a doctor or biologist or anything like that and that I already had a few extra Billion dollars so money is not important. They suspect that I’m more than I appear to be, but would never believe the truth.

Have to read a letter before bed. Lisa Marie is calling me Big Foot. Smart lady; I wonder if she would like to be a female Big Foot?

Wow, my dreams are getting a little too real! I just woke up with two heads and a three foot cock. Now that was a dream! I wonder what I will wake up as in the morning?

Stay tuned four chapter five: Will I wake up human? Will the CDC come after me using the National needs attack? Will Lisa Marie want to be Mrs. Big Foot? Will I have to move to get away from my back room stinking? Will I finally buy or build a new house, to get rid of the smell?


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